Mastering Calibrated Questions

Calibrated questions are powerful tools for gathering information and guiding conversations. They encourage the other party to think deeply and reveal their priorities without feeling pressured. Here are some examples to use in negotiations:

• What’s most important to you in this deal?
• How can we make this work better for both of us?
• What would you like me to do next?
• What brought us to this point?
• How can we resolve this challenge together?
• What’s the goal we’re aiming for?
• How am I supposed to make that happen?

Tip: These open-ended questions shift the focus to the other party, making them feel heard while giving you valuable insights.

Tools for Observant Negotiators

Effective negotiators pay attention to more than just words. Here are key techniques to sharpen your observational skills:

• The 7-38-55 Rule: Only 7% of communication comes from words, while 38% is from tone of voice and 55% from body language. For high-stakes deals, meet face-to-face to read these cues.
• The Rule of Three: Aim to get three “yeses” from the other party (commitment, confirmation, or counterfeit). This builds agreement and reveals their true intentions.
• The Pinocchio Effect: Ask questions that force consistency. Repeated lying becomes harder, exposing deception through inconsistencies.
• Spot the Decision Maker: True decision-makers downplay their authority, while “fake” ones exaggerate their influence.
• The Chris Discount: Personalize negotiations by using names—yours, theirs, and others’. Saying “My name is Chris” can break the ice and build rapport.

Three Types of Leverage

Leverage is your negotiation superpower. Understand and apply these three types:

• Positive Leverage: Offering something the other party wants, like a solution or benefit.
• Negative Leverage: The ability to impose consequences or withhold something the other party values.
• Normative Leverage: Using the other party’s values, norms, or standards to align with your position.

Tip: Combine these strategically to strengthen your position without alienating the other side.

Miscellaneous Negotiation Tips

Small details can make a big difference. Here’s a key tip for staying sharp:

• Observe Unguarded Moments: Watch how people behave before formal meetings, during interruptions, or when interacting with “less important” individuals. These moments reveal their true character and priorities.